To be Human Again
by ExtraordinarilyxInsane
Summary: The story starts off as Spike sees Buffy through a window after the apocolypse. He knows in his heart that he still loves her, but she has a life that her friends would want to keep the vampire out of. What if he could change what he is? When someone shows him promise to help better his life, Spike takes a great interest, but what would the cost be? Spike/Buffy ship
1. Chapter 1

1.

There he was, standing by the window, although he didn't know why he was even there. At one point, yes, he had loved the woman inside and she loved him, but there was nothing for him now anyway. She was smiling and laughing with her friends and he was here. Maybe she thought he was still dead after the incident that had burned him to death, after all. Maybe that was it. Would he have the guts to tell her he was still alive? Would he be able to tell her that he thought about her almost every waking second of his life?

Spike shook his head.

_She won't love you the way she could love someone else,_ a voice in his mind told him. _She won't love you the way she could love a human. _

Maybe that was the issue. Maybe it was because he wasn't human that they couldn't be together, but maybe, just maybe, there was a chance. He wouldn't know if he never tells her, but the main question was if he could stand in front of her again and speak to her.

_Buffy,_ he thought as he placed a hand on the glass. It was cold to the touch, but it was winter, so it was expected. He watched as they began to sit around the Christmas tree they had put up. He remembered then that Joyce use to make them wait all of Christmas day to open their presents after supper as not to spoil their supper with all the candy they got and it looked like Buffy held on to that tradition. Maybe she always would.

It had been years since Spike had seen Buffy and he thought she had only gotten more beautiful over those years. Her hair was longer, reaching to her lower back and her eyes shined just the way they always did. Spike and Buffy had a love/hate relationship going on for awhile, but now… While looking at her, he only felt the love. It wasn't love at first sight as when he first saw her, he wanted to kill her. It was his task as a vampire. He had to kill the slayer, but as the world spun and the seasons changed, he watched as Buffy fell in love with his sire, Angel. Angel was dead now. There was nothing stopping him for taking Buffy in his arms and keeping her there forever.

_Yeah, _his mind raced again. _There's nothing stopping you, so why the bloody hell are you out here in the cold?_

He wanted to hit himself over the head and make the voice stop. He couldn't give her what she wanted, so why would he even bother interrupting her life? She looked happy as she tilted her head back and laughed at something Red had said.

Red. Willow Rosenberg was there and in her arms was a baby. The pink blanket indicated it was a girl, but surely Red was still more interested in women than men, so who did this baby belong to? Surely Buffy didn't have a baby, but he had been gone so long that it wouldn't surprise him if she really had moved on from a life of loving those who belonged to the darkness of the world. That's what he and Angel were. They were creatures of darkness unworthy of this woman's love, but the baby in Willow's arms hit a soft spot in Spike. What made it worse was the man who came and sat behind Buffy and wrapped his arms around her waist. With an eye patch on his eye it wasn't hard to recognize him.

Xander Harris made it look like he owned Buffy at that moment. Her body was his and he seemed unwilling to let her go. Spike's heart sunk as he removed his hand from the glass and backed away. Although he did this, he could see Xander trailing his hands over Buffy's back, giving her a massage. It was painful to watch.

"Had enough?" a male voice asked him. When he turned around he saw probably one of the few humans that scared him. Rupert Giles pushed his glasses higher onto his nose with one hand and clenched a stake in another. Buffy's watcher, her old watcher here, didn't like to play games.

"I love her," Spike told the other British man.

"That doesn't change what you are," Giles replied, lightly lifting the stake.

"Then I will change what I am and prove it to you. To her."

With that, Spike turned, his black leather jacket blowing out a little, making his descent into the dark night even more dramatic.

_And how does he plan on doing that? _Giles thought to himself. _It definitely can't be good._


	2. Chapter 2

"Xander should have become a masseur," Buffy told her best friend Willow. Willow turned her attention away from the baby she was holding and nodded in agreement.

"When we were little, he would always give me massages," Willow began her story. "All the other girls got jealous."

"All because of my boyishly, good looking, charm, right?" Xander asked jokingly. "I'm a sexy beast."

Willow tilted her head back and laughed. "Definitely," she said. "You're the sexiest man in the entire world."

The trio laughed so hard they had a hard time stopping, even when Dawn entered the room asking what the commotion was about. They couldn't get the words out for the brunette as she sat down next to Willow, taking her baby, Kari Summers, back into her arms. The father was nowhere to be seen since he walked out on Dawn not long after Kari was born, but that didn't seem to matter to Dawn anymore. She kept saying "it takes a village to raise a child," and that's what she had. Buffy, Xander, Willow and Kennedy were all involved in the baby's life and Dawn couldn't be happier watching their faces light up when they looked into the little girl's eyes.

When the front door opened, the entire gang looked in that direction and a wave of relief kind of flew over them when they saw it was just Giles. He had finally arrived to the Christmas presents and now all they needed was Kennedy. She had to be somewhere close by as Willow wasn't freaking out like she usually was. After the apocalypse, Willow kept Kennedy by her side. She was scared to lose the younger woman the way she lost Tara. Willow thought that if she lost Kennedy too, she would go to the dark side again and more than likely never return. The thought of hurting her friends like last time was enough to be sure Kennedy was always safe.

When they heard footsteps coming down the stairs, the group knew their last member of the night had finally arrived. Kennedy was dressed in green pajama bottoms and a white camisole and came to sit next to her lover. She placed a hand on Willow's back and smiled, showing her perfectly straight and white teeth. When Willow looked back, she couldn't help herself and leaned in to kiss her lightly on the lips.

"Oh get a room," Dawn said, trying not to laugh. Buffy and Xander weren't as nice and burst into a laughing fit that left them gasping for air.

It was just like old times, in a way. Sure there were two new people, but Buffy felt at home. She watched as the lights shined on the group in a mixture of blues, reds, greens, yellows and every color in between as the bulbs met at the same place. She missed her old life, but this was just as good. She was living in New York City, the city of dreams, and she didn't completely give up her life. Her friends were here, helping her battle the evil that was ever present and the crime rate of deaths caused by the supernatural had gone down. What more could she ask for.

Just then, Xander kissed her cheek. Right, that. Xander and Buffy had been dating for a few months now, but it was still hard to grasp. He admitted to liking her for awhile, ever since they were in high school, but then Anya, the vengeance demon, came around and stole his heart. Now that woman was dead as she was killed in the apocalypse. It seemed as if Xander needed comfort and he set his eyes back on the slayer. She wanted to know what going out with someone who was really there for her, especially during the day, but it was getting awkward for her now. It had only been two months of dating and he was already talking about marriage and children. She wanted to talk to Willow about it, but Willow thought it was a great idea and had already been picking out baby names for the couple. It had just gotten to be too much and moving too quickly for her.

"Can we talk later?" Buffy asked Xander, looking up at him. He nodded and leaned forward to pull out some of the presents.

"Now that we're all here, let's get this started," He began passing out the gifts as people opened them.

Dawn opened her first present while juggling Kari and almost screamed for joy when she saw a new phone in the tiny case. The nineteen year old was on her boyfriend's cell phone plan when they were together, but after she hadn't the money to buy a phone. She had been constantly complaining of not being able to contact anyone, so Buffy knew it was the perfect gift for the girl. No, Dawn wasn't a girl anymore. She was a young woman and was growing up. She was a mother now and yet she still had a bright future ahead of her now.

Willow was next and began to open her gift. When she saw what it was she immediately stood, walked over to Giles and hugged him tightly. He had given her the spell book she had spent the past five years looking for. It was just the thing she needed. It was Tara's favorite spell book and was mainly spells for communication. The spells in there ranged from communication with the living or dead. How to contact someone you couldn't find or was lost to you. It was the perfect gift for the young witch.

Xandder then handed the tiniest box to Buffy. She frowned when she saw it was from him and she honestly didn't want to know what was in it, but she opened it anyway, taking her slow, sweet time and hating every second of it. When she finally opened the box, she let out a gasp. Inside sat a beautiful, diamond ring that consisted of smaller rubies surrounded the main gem. She thought it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and when she looked up to confront him about it, he was on one knee in front of her.

"Buffy," he began. "I know we have only been together for a few months, but I've known you for years. I knowwhat you like and dislike and how you like to be treated."

He was right about that. Although things had gotten awkward, he took care of her, always knowing the right thing to say or do. Then there was the sex. He wasn't a God in bed, but the sex was still amazing. Not the best she had ever had, but it got the job done and always left her wanting more.

"Will you marry me?" the question finally came out. She realized she had blocked out most of what he had said, but the question was still there.

When she looked around the room, Willow, Kennedy, Dawn and Giles were all watching her. She knew they were urging her to say yes and how could she turn him down? He was one of her best friends and was a good man. Maybe that was what she needed in her life, a good man. It would definitely change things up from the undead men she had usually dated, so how could this be bad?

It was wrong. Everything about this screamed at her that this was wrong and there was someone else out there for her, but she couldn't say no facing the pressure she was being put through at the moment. She nodded her head and Xander leaned in and kissed her passionately on the lips while everyone else behind her cheered and stood. The group began to congratulate the couple. Buffy sat almost emotionless in front of them, not knowing what to do or say. Giles was the only other person was looked exactly like she did. She knew he had a secret as he was almost never like this when it came to big surprises. She wondered aimlessly what it was, but she knew it had to do with her from the look of concern he kept throwing her way and his horrible attempt to hide it.


End file.
